The meeting
by Zifnab
Summary: co-written with Scarymary. involves a rabid goat, purple goo, and the death of Anise, what more do you need??


Disclaimer: We don't own the characters Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions do. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. Please do not archive without permission of the authors  
  
  
  
General Hammond was in a very very important meeting with the President and some other very important people including the secretary of defence, the head of the Tok'ra high council and Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys, when suddenly a rabid goat burst into the room, jumped up on the table and growled menacingly at them before eating the paper in Hammond's hand.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?" Yelled Hammond. "Baaaa." Said the goat, looking evil and frothing at the mouth.  
  
Just then Sam walked into the room, covered in purple goo. "I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, no paper before dinner!" She screamed at the goat. "Baaaa." Said the goat, looking sheepish. He spat out the paper and put it back in Hammond's hands, trying to pretend that he hadn't been eating it.  
  
"Major Carter, what the hell is this?" Demanded Hammond. Sam looked at him and blinked. Poor General Hammond, she thought, He is stupider then I thought. "It's a goat sir." She said slowly in the voice you use while talking to idiots. "I know it's a goat but what is it doing here?! And why the hell are you covered in purple goo?!"  
  
Hammond had turned a very dark shade of red and his veins were sticking out of his head. He looked like a giant evil tomato from hell.  
  
Luckily, just as Sam was about to answer Daniel backed into the room in a sneaky manner, carrying the decapitated head of Justin Timberlake by the hair. "Mwahahahaha! Once again these fools don't suspect that I am systematically ridding this world of crappy boy band members" Daniel muttered loudly to himself. "YES!" screamed a girlie voice behind him. Daniel froze and turned around guiltily. Nick Carter was dancing on the table in joy.  
  
"Thank you! I hated him. He is the only man in the world who got to do my life long dream: sleep with Britney Spears!" "Erm, actually, I've slept with Britney Spears." Said the president. "Me too." Admitted Daniel, quickly throwing Justin Timberlake's head down the hall. "Ditto." Said Hammond. "Baa." Said the goat, leering suggestively. Sam just went red and didn't say anything.  
  
Suddenly from down the hall there came a loud CRASH. "Aaaaaaaargh." Screamed a voice, followed by a loud THUD. "For crying out loud, Teal'c, I thought I told you to put Maybourne's head...oh. Umm. Hey, a head!"  
  
In all the confusion, no one noticed Daniel sneaking up behind Nick Carter and decapitating him as well.  
  
Jack and Teal'c walked into the room. Jack looked at Sam. "Hey Carter, why the hell are you covered in purple goo?"  
  
Luckily for Sam Britney Spears walked into the room. "Have any of you seen my boyfriend?" She asked. "Yeah, I'm over here." Said Teal'c. "Really? You look different. Did you get a hair cut Justin?" "Yes, that's it. A haircut." Said Teal'c, carefully dropping the head of the real Justin behind his back. "Oh ok. Let's go now." Said Britney, grabbing Teal'c by the errrrr, arm. Teal'c gave everyone a thumbs up and left.  
  
"Hey what happened to that backstreet boy that was here a minute ago?" Asked the President. Daniel laughed nervously. "Backstreet boy? What the hell would a backstreet boy be doing here?" He said, before running out the door. Hammond turned redder, and looked like he might explode.  
  
Anise walked into the room. "Hello everyone, it is I, the beautiful Anise. You may all take a moment to stare at my partially exposed breasts." Sam suddenly had a wonderful idea. She whispered something in the goats ear, and with a mighty "BAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" The goat attacked! It ripped Anise into tiny little pieces, and feasted on the remains.  
  
The people in the room laughed uproariously, including the decapitated heads of Nick Carter and Justin Timberlake, until they remembered they were dead, and went back to being so.  
  
Then Hammond's head exploded. But that's ok. He has a couple spare. "Hey Sam, wanna go have sex?" Asked Jack. Sam nodded. "Ok." She said, and they walked out. The goat looked on jealously, before cornering the President, who was more then happy to comply.  
  
"Hey what's going on?" cried the secretary of defence, waking up from a nap. "Why don't I tell you over coffee, big boy?" Said the head of the Tok'ra high council, who wasn't called the HEAD of the Tok'ra high council for nothing. "Ok." Said the Secretary of defence, and they both got the hell out of there as fast as they could. 


End file.
